The “right” duration for sex

Sexual intercourse is an important aspect in most relationships. However, when it comes to the duration, the world has many myths, fantasies, and conjectures which are far from reality. What does “reasonable” entail? A long, thorough session or a swift, spontaneous one? While there is no single answer suitable for everyone, figuring out what works best for yourself and your partner is vital to a happy and healthy intimate life.

In this article, we analyze what the average duration of sexual activity really should be. We will discuss the most prevalent misconceptions, their driving factors, and how to enhance sexual experiences to be more pleasurable. Most importantly, the healthiest sex life is the one that best fulfills individual needs, something we will emphasize repeatedly throughout the article.

As with the majority of topics concerning sex, the aspect of duration is accompanied by a number of myths—almost all of these have stemmed from movies, media, or misconceptions that have no basis in fact. Here are the more popular myths concerning the duration of sexual activity.

This is perhaps the most popular sex myth. People love to believe that longer sexual activity equates to more satisfaction, but in reality that is not the case. Studies show, and many couples report to be happy with their sexual intimacy, not the frequency, which suggests people do not seek satisfaction in quantity. Lengthy activities can at times lead to discomfort or dissatisfaction, due to a disparity between expectations and reality.

This is one of the most common fallacies. Sexual activity does not begin and end with penetration; everything else that occurs before and after is equally as relevant. Jokingly referring to everything as “performance” often stems from a lack of understanding about sexual intimacy, particularly in marriages where sex occurs routinely out of obligation.

Rules differ from person to person as well as couple to couple; there is literally no single guideline for everyone. In intimacy, as with many other things, each individual is unique, so, for some, what takes a few minutes might, for others, take hours.

A recent publication from The Journal of Sexual Medicine suggests that the ideal penetration time for many couples is between 3 and 13 minutes. But of course—as long as it’s comfortable for both of you, anything goes!

Wondering why your intimate sessions feel shorter or longer? Consider these things that may be affecting the duration.

How partners feel emotionally and psychologically impacts intimacy. Couples who feel relaxed and connected tend to enjoy fuller sessions.

Hormonal levels, stress, fatigue, and general fitness all have their effects. Stress, for example, will reduce arousal, where as exercise and good sleep will increase stamina.

Confidence goes a long way in helping couples set a pace for intimacy. What seems like a daring adventure to one couple, like new sex toys and sexy lingerie, may be overwhelming to others.

Slamming deadlines, a crying baby, or even loud neighbors can keep things short. A calm atmosphere free of distractions fosters deeper connections.

To begin with, there is no fixed, “wrong” or “right” duration of intimacy. However, there are a few things you and your partner can assess in order to determine whether the two of you are meeting in the middle regarding the intimacy balance.

Checking in with each other and evaluating satisfaction levels should help clarify some questions.

Good intimacy should be mutual. If both partners walk away feeling fulfilled, then time spent will never “go to waste” or seem to feel rushed.

Emotional connection creates a lasting bond. Regardless of whether your session lasted 5 minutes or 50, the sense of achieved emotional closeness should always be a take away.

Having constant thoughts surrounding the issue of “how long” each session “should” last, makes things worse. The only measure of a healthy sex life should be how rejuvenated you feel afterward, not drained.

Discomfort, whether caused by long sessions, or a lack of communication can serve as a red flag. Discussing preferences openly, utilizing tools like lubricants or sex toys can assist eliminate discomfort.

Here are some pointers to improve your physical intimacy now that you know the incredible impact of duration.

The buzz creating activities preceding the main event of sex are far underrated to the extent that not enough people know about them. Back massages, kisses or any physical contact that one may consider sophisticated like the use of dildos and vibrators, will go a long way in improving satisfaction for both partners.

An effective sex life must communicate with all components of a system. Discuss with your partner things like what you consider comfortable, what you don’t consider comfortable, any thoughts, blames and even insecurities. Getting what you want sometimes translates to fewer but more impactful sessions.

Having sexy and stimulating costumes can create new excitement in the bedroom, however, they are effective only if disguised and placed in an easy to access compartment. Together, these props help set playful tone and can help with the proper execution of remaining intimate.

Strikingly, under the latter option, sex can indeed happen, but adults focusing on timing should cut back greatly to savor every hold, eye gaze and movement. Do not be concerned about the clock, instead direct your focus to the deepening bond.

Stay up to date! Because there is no need to stop studying different tips on sexual wellness, want to write about couples sexual life, or even attend relationship and marriage workshops which are geared for enhancing intimacy and relations.

Consider throwing some soft humor into the mix. Don’t roll your eyes just yet, but lightheartedness can be incredibly helpful when trying to ease tension.

Unlike a racing competition, sexual intimacy has no time bounds. It is a very personal experience that is governed by preferences, emotions, and physical bodily needs. The only thing that must be remembered is reasonable for both you and your partner. Be it a little bit of a heated activity, or a leisurely stroll in the afternoon—what counts is the connection and satisfaction.

Ultimately, the healthiest sex life is one that embodies your relationship—it can be playful, passionate, and it may even change continuously.

Feeling Inspired?

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