HOW TO REMOVE YOUR PARTNER’S FEARS OF SEX TOYS
Exploring the Psychology Behind Fears of Sex Toys
While they can provide a new level of excitement in the bedroom, sex toys can evoke uncertainty in some individuals. In this post, let’s discuss common fears couples face and globally work towards overcoming them for a more fulfilling intimate life.
SHRINKING INSECURITIES
There’s a common misconception that one partner may feel is lacking to bring a toy to the bedroom. This is not the case. Rachel Sommer, PhD, puts it best, “Sex toys are meant to add pleasure, not replace connection.”
Hearing from one of our readers Tom 34, “When my wife suggested a vibrator, I panicked thinking I was not good enough. But after talking, I came to realize that it was about exploring something new, together.”
The moral of the story: Strive towards working on shared experiences as opposed to individual ones and facilitate trusting environments where open communication can flourish.
JEALOUSY OR REPLACEMENT ISSUES
We all fear the possibility of losing a special place in someone’s heart. Taking insights from Dr. Sommer, “view sex toys as devices meant to enhance pleasure for all parties involved. They help couples in bonding and intimate journeys.”
“Personally, I feared my partner would prefer it,” states Lisa, 29. “However, we changed our approach to teamwork instead which has led to greater intimacy, and it has been enjoyable ever since.”
Remember, intimacy does not instantaneously become to the effect of, “I’m sorry babe, but your space is occupied.” When referring to toys, instead of limiting ideas to being childish or arousing, think of them as garnishes to the meal. A treat for everyone — good by itself, better with each addition.
COMMUNICATION
No surprise here. Ensure the first communication comes from a place devoid of judgments. As conveyed through the suggestions by Dr. Sommer, Attempt to inform the other party what drew you to the sex toy, “Begin by expressing the intention behind wanting to use a sex toy and elaborate on the benefits it brings to both parties.”
Shaky assumptions do not make adequate sharing. Strive to decide on solutions that work for both stakeholders and carry out these ideas together through the path.
SCARED OF BREAKING THE BOUNDARIES
For some, talking about or using sex toys may clash with their culture or upbringing. Dr. Sommer advocates for ‘exposure therapy,’ gradually teaching individuals. “Cultural attitudes over sexual wellness will change given that people understand the importance of working on their sexual health.”
Treat the theory as discussing ideas that can be planted as seeds—while these ideas won’t blossom overnight, with careful nurturing, patience, and care, they eventually will. There is always value in discovering new means of self-love and ways to build healthier connections.
DON’T FEAR THE UNKOWN
Whatever the new activity may involve, it can always be daunting! If this speaks to you, Dr. Sommer recommends starting small. “Get comfortable first with non-penetrative toys such as wands or those made for two people. Confidence comes from comfort.”
Embrace the journey with tiny steps—similar to walking into warm pools of water, starting with just the toes. It’s a guaranteed path to achieving the new and more rewarding experience through every little effort.
EXPLORE TOGETHER FOR DOUBLE THE FUN
Embark on a journey with a new purchase of a sex toy! As Dr. Sommer said, “convened research and selection of the toy carries a lot of fun and builds the excitement.”
28-year-old Abby shares, “Shopping for a toy together was a memorable experience. Each of us was laughing, exploring, and it really felt as if we were tackling a shared journey.”
**Setting Boundaries in Relationships**
The journey is similar to planning a huge vacation. In both, the two of you tackle it collectively which only enhances the experience.
Dr. Sommer explains: “Going slow and setting boundaries with each other makes everything comfortable and enjoyable.”
**Boundaries are sexy, too**
Consider this climbing a hill together. Step by step, you progress to greater heights and with each step, there’s something even better waiting on the next.”
UNDERSTANDING IS EMPOWERING
If you’re lost on where to start, perhaps reading up on different toys and their uses is a good start. As Dr. Sommer explains, “Knowledge takes away the fear. When you understand how things work, they become less intimidating and more exciting.”
Understanding the possibilities is just part of the fun. Think of it like reading a recipe before cooking—suddenly you have everything you need to create an amazing dish!
OF ULTIMATE CONCERN IS PLEASURE TOGETHER
Shift the framework of the discussion to shared pleasure and enjoyment. “It is not about competition. It is about adding tools to deepen intimacy and connection,” Doctor Sommer explains.
Through this lens, sex toys are viewed as a means to enhancing a partnership, not a replacement. It’s like finding a new spice to an already amazing dish. Who doesn’t love more flavor?
THE FINAL TAKEAWAY
Using sex toys as a couple is about discovery, communication, and intimacy. With an open mind and heart, worries can be transformed into opportunities for growth and intimacy — not to mention a bit of playful fun.
YOU can interact with these questions! What do you think talking with a partner about such topics feels like? Or what would you tell someone experiencing this for the first time?